Monday, December 22, 2008

Appointment update:

Called Dr. R. again in Kansas City. The nurse was in today, so I was able to schedule an appointment (that is spread over three days—yikes).

March 17: 9 a.m to noon, lab work from 12:30 until 1-ish

March 18: 1-4 p.m.

March 19: 2-4 p.m.

There is a substantial out of pocket expense to cover these three days, so please pray that we’ll be able to come up with this cash. On the plus side, this doctor (unlike many others) is willing to submit the fees to our insurance company to see if they’ll reimburse us for anything.

I haven’t looked into details of where we can stay. I know that some hotels will probably give us a discount if they know we’re visiting that doctor. Does anyone have any info about Calvary Bible College’s policies about guests? I think it might be a good time to drop in on some friends. ;-D

Final thought: I’m still in limbo about where I might spend a few days after Ariel’s wedding. Mom and Dad are going to the Creation Museum (I’m trying super-hard not to pout) and I don’t want to stay home by myself. And it probably won’t be fun for whoever I’m with because it’s quite likely I’ll be a wreck mentally, physically and/or emotionally. *sigh* You could pray about that, too.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I just discovered Mahalia Jackson.


I love doctrine and learning deep stuff about God’s nature; how it shapes life as we know it, and how it ought to shape us. I love that kind of thing. I could spend most of my day devouring it.
In fact, I used to sneer a little at the “milk of the word” style of teaching. Looking back on that now, I'm totally grossed out. BAD Lauren! Pride is a yucky insidious thing. Disgusting.
I’m still not a huge fan of most “7-11” Christian choruses, but my attitude is changing. How easily we leave our “first love”—God— and get wrapped up in the peripheral things. I’m learning how important it is to maintain that excited love of the Lord. And it’s largely built on the basic Sunday School principles we’re all familiar with. Big picture, Simple concept, Major-life-changing-repercussions principles.

I have a new addition to my pool of favorite songs. I think I want this one at my funeral.
Here are the lyrics, but you totally have to hear it to appreciate what I’m trying to say.

And on days when I wonder? Yeah, I know what it’s all about.
Mahalia Jackson
Come on children, let’s sing
About the goodness of the Lord
Come on children, let’s shout
All about God’s rich reward
Guide our footsteps everyday
Keep us in the narrow way
Come on children let’s sing
(Come on children, let's shout)
(How the Lord Almighty)
(Has brought us out)
(There's none like him)
(Without a doubt)
Come on children, let's sing
About the goodness of the Lord
He has been my all an' all
He will never let me fall
That is why I can sing
That is why I can shout
Because I know what it's all about
The goodness, goodness
Of the Lord, the Lord, the Lord

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

And It’s Not Lupus

So the rheumatologist says today; or at least it’s not obviously lupus. More tests, more blood work, more phone calls. But he gets serious points: he was nice, calm, articulate, thorough, considerate and gentle; it’s nice to be treated like a person rather than a slab of beef.

Tonight I talked to a lady who has Lyme that Aunt Becky knows from work. She’s a Harley rider, skydiver type and was out of the game a couple years ago. Aggressive treatment not only has her walking again, but she says, “There’s nothing I can’t do anymore.” I’m just thinking it would be nice to be able to do a fifth of what I used to. ;o)

Not that I’m complaining! I can still digest my own food, maintain my own hygiene, pretend to have a brain and even masquerade as a human some days. God is good to me.

Symptom-wise, this evening was pretty horrible with the agony in my legs and hips. But I hobbled around the grocery store just because I could. “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

I’m cheerful about working on finishing up my senior portfolio pieces (the Incomplete), and working on a long-overdue senior portrait gig, three exciting Christmas presents and a wedding gift. Plus a bunch of really super-fun writing projects that I haven’t had much time for.

Thanks for praying. I know you must be, because I am in excruciating pain and have a cheerful and joyful attitude—that’s God at work, people.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Schoolwork Update/ Keeping myself on Track

1) Have today's take-home final completed, and I know it's worth at least an A. It's ready to be taken in and dropped off before 3 p.m.

2) I also have a Request for Incomplete that I'm filling out and will drop off in my professor's mailbox when I go in this afternoon. Then he just needs to fill out his part and turn it into the registrar's office.

3) Today we also need to get test results from the doctor.

4) For Wednesday: I have
*completed updates of school blog to my satisfaction
*completed half a magazine feature story analysis--which I could turn in as is and be happy
*started work on writing my feature story
*still need to polish my faux query letter a little bit and turn in final draft
*still need to sit and write the final self-reflective essay for the class

5) Thursday is my page layout/design final. Looking forward to it. Need to remember to bring book and flash drive with all my work on it.

Still hangin.

Been a rough couple/three weeks.
Still hanging in there.

Today is Day 1 of finals week. The prospect of a rest is why I'm continuing on.

Read Ps. 145. We serve an amazing God.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Today is probably less than a one.
Can’t breathe, gasping, throat constricted, inhaler just makes my heart want to explode.
Can’t think, 4 final papers to do.
Hands and arms don’t even feel like they are attached, but they hurt, so they must still be. Typing is agonizing.
Slept off and on for 17 hours but had horrible, horrible nightmares the whole time.
Throat feeling paralyzed again.
Heart hasn’t beat regularly for three days.
Face spasms, head ticking like crazy.
Neck muscles not holding my head up right.
Hallucinations all the time this past week; feel like I’m in the twilight zone, or out of body experience
Bladder has been on strike for four days.
Jaw locked up.
Past week whole back has been feeling pins and needles and then going numb.
Entirely an emotional mess.
Bawling inconsolably. Three cookies didn’t help. I should lay off all sugar.
Lonely which is stupid because if anyone were here I know I’d be a jerk to them.
I hurt so bad everywhere that I just want to throw up.
“Use your time wisely.” Yeah, sure. Great idea. Thanks a lot.
Too many rough days in a row. No breaks, no sleep, no help.
Freaking out.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Today’s Accomplishments

Today was a 5.15

Remember, these are out of ten with 10= best, but I haven’t seen a 5+ day in weeks. Ahh! It was fabulous.

Things to be thankful for about today:

  1. SLEPT!!!! AAAAHHH! I forgot how fabulously cozy that can be. What a gorgeous feeling!

  2. Went to school early for a meeting with one of my tutor classmates about what she thinks I can do to pass some of my classes. Very helpful.

  3. Made it through both class periods just fine.

  4. Had a great surprise talk with the ever-encouraging J. Pierce

  5. Had a meeting to get registered for next semester. Got my schedule all worked out. It looks great, if my body/mind can get through it. Filled out a graduation application. My advisor is a very cool lady.

  6. I can take full steps today. And I did. And I LOVED it. I would much rather have a man stride than an old lady hobble. Can you tell this made me giddy?

  7. Typed out some Bible verses for future reference.

  8. Started digital developing on some senior photos I took a couple weeks ago!

  9. Got caught up on my health (or lack thereof) blog

  10. Ate some food. Big girl!

  11. Read an online version of the Russian fairytale Baba Yaga out loud to Ariel—well, three-quarters before I grayed out and collapsed on the desk from suffocating, but she finished it for me, so it was all good.

  12. Also looked up “babaganoosh” which is another fabulous word to say. And no wonder I’m drawn to it, it’s food. Egg plant and sesame seed paste.

  13. Boogied with Ariel to Rockin Round the Christmas Tree. (This time without nearly passing out.)

  14. And the night is still young. Well, wait. As soon as it’s morning, the morning will still be young.

  15. But I…think…I may have some potential of sleeping again tonight. Wouldn’t that be the coolest ever?