*Laughing*
Okay, so bump in the road. We thought we were totally done with this doctor here in town. Guess not. There had been some weird issue where some of the tests he had ordered hadn’t been performed, but that happened to us at my last meeting with my primary care doc, so we were like, “Ookay, that’s weird. Oh well. Been great knowing you.” (Little bit of sarcasm, there.)
But. Got a call from his nurse last night. Returned it this morning as Dad drove me to class.
Apparently, the doctor had ordered a BUNCH of tests and none of them had been done, so he and the nurse realized something was up. It turns out I should have had my blood drawn an additional time for these other tests. I guess. We had never had another order form in our hands, so I’m a little confused still about how this happened/didn’t happen. Sooo. Looks like I’m gonna get to practice my pin cushion act again.
The kicker? By the tone of his voice, he made it sound a little bit like he hoped it was HIV. Which just makes me laugh for so many reasons.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Attitude Adjustment
So yesterday was obviously rough.
But we (Dad, Mom, me) got some things talked through, and that was kind of helpful. However, I was still bummed enough to send out a txt msg at 1 or 2 a.m. to a friend asking for prayer. (If you’re willing to be on this list let me know— Talk about an instant ministry and blessing in my life!) After getting the affirmative, I settled down and read through James and II Corinthians. Here are some of the encouraging highlights:
James 1:2-5
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:12
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”
James 4:14-15
“Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.’”
James 5:10-11
“As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.”
II Corinthians 1:3-5
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.”
II Corinthians 4
(Yes, the whole entire thing; it’s seriously amazing. Look it up.)
II Corinthians 6:4-10
“but in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger, in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God; by the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and the left, by glory and dishonor, by evil report and good report; regarded as deceivers and yet true; as unknown yet well-known, as dying yet behold, we live; as punished yet not put to death, as sorrowful yet always rejoicing, as poor yet making many rich, as having nothing yet possessing all things.”
II Corinthians 9:8
“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.”
But we (Dad, Mom, me) got some things talked through, and that was kind of helpful. However, I was still bummed enough to send out a txt msg at 1 or 2 a.m. to a friend asking for prayer. (If you’re willing to be on this list let me know— Talk about an instant ministry and blessing in my life!) After getting the affirmative, I settled down and read through James and II Corinthians. Here are some of the encouraging highlights:
James 1:2-5
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:12
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.”
James 4:14-15
“Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.’”
James 5:10-11
“As an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. We count those blessed who endured. You have heard of the endurance of Job and have seen the outcome of the Lord’s dealings, that the Lord is full of compassion and is merciful.”
II Corinthians 1:3-5
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ.”
II Corinthians 4
(Yes, the whole entire thing; it’s seriously amazing. Look it up.)
II Corinthians 6:4-10
“but in everything commending ourselves as servants of God, in much endurance, in afflictions, in hardships, in distresses, in beatings, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in sleeplessness, in hunger, in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God; by the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and the left, by glory and dishonor, by evil report and good report; regarded as deceivers and yet true; as unknown yet well-known, as dying yet behold, we live; as punished yet not put to death, as sorrowful yet always rejoicing, as poor yet making many rich, as having nothing yet possessing all things.”
II Corinthians 9:8
“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed.”
Chin up.
I had a really rough evening. But then it got better.
More on that later.
New symptom:
Major pain in the right lower part of my chin where the tissue attaches. I feel like I want to gouge at it with a butter knife.
*Edit: 2 MINUTES LATER: Make that BOTH sides of my chin. ARRRRGH
More on that later.
New symptom:
Major pain in the right lower part of my chin where the tissue attaches. I feel like I want to gouge at it with a butter knife.
*Edit: 2 MINUTES LATER: Make that BOTH sides of my chin. ARRRRGH
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sickly Gorgeous
….It looks like we’ve exhausted our options in IL. I now have an appointment in January for an LLMD in Missouri…
I am gasping for breath constantly now. Insomnia and then oversleeping. Lost 6 pounds this month because I haven’t been eating anything. Sudden muscle numbness in my face and neck. My heart goes on strike every once in a while and stops working. Arms feel useless. Flinching so hard at night I’m making dents in my wall. Knees and ankles revolt at holding my weight and threaten to give out— the thought of school is overwhelming just for the fact of climbing three flights of stairs to get to all my classes.
I could go on. For dozens of pages.
But here’s the kicker.
I’m cured.
Whew, what a relief. I can take a deep breath and get a good night’s sleep!
I think in most health circumstances, people usually consider themselves cured when they no longer have symptoms or when they stop getting sicker.
I am gasping for breath constantly now. Insomnia and then oversleeping. Lost 6 pounds this month because I haven’t been eating anything. Sudden muscle numbness in my face and neck. My heart goes on strike every once in a while and stops working. Arms feel useless. Flinching so hard at night I’m making dents in my wall. Knees and ankles revolt at holding my weight and threaten to give out— the thought of school is overwhelming just for the fact of climbing three flights of stairs to get to all my classes.
I could go on. For dozens of pages.
But here’s the kicker.
I’m cured.
Whew, what a relief. I can take a deep breath and get a good night’s sleep!
I think in most health circumstances, people usually consider themselves cured when they no longer have symptoms or when they stop getting sicker.
Despite the sarcasm, I’m not bitter. Honestly. I would be laughing myself silly right now if I knew I’d still have a heartbeat and be able to breathe afterwards.
About school
I’ve always heard that if you try really, really hard at school you’ll succeed. Because there are tons of organizations and school policies and methods of assistance that are there solely to help you achieve your academic goals.
And I’ve always believed it. I mean, come on, I’ve been on both sides; I’ve been a tutor and a note taker and a study group leader. I’ve also sat for hours in the LLCC math center getting help. I’ve gone to countless office-hour appointments and done extra work to keep my grades up. I never would have made it this far without academic scholarships and financial aid.
I think I might be getting a little jaded.
I haul myself to the computer every day and try to wrangle appointments with school authorities to learn about my options, to little avail. I’ve been trying to work with the school for at least two months. I’ve made dozens of phone calls. I’m keeping in touch with my professors. I’m reading and participating in the class blogs. I’m trying to keep up with the work, but compared to my previous output, this stuff is shoddy. My parents are sacrificing their time and energy to (my jaw is locking up and my facial muscles feel like they’re immobile, ARGH, I hate that) drive me to class when I think I can stand it.
Don’t get me wrong. I have one professor and one academic counselor who are really trying to help me. But they can only do so much.
From MY end, I’m doing everything that I’m aware a good student should do that I’m still capable of doing. (The numbness is creeping down my throat, now.)
I have about three weeks of school left. I don’t think I’m going to make it. I feel like I’m on an academic treadmill of too little, too late.
And yeah, honestly? I’m wondering why I should keep trying. Oh, just the knowledge that I should. That inner drive that won’t shut up. Just the little things that have propelled me this far. But my bed looks really appealing, and I would like to work on some projects for other people who would actually appreciate them.
And I’ve always believed it. I mean, come on, I’ve been on both sides; I’ve been a tutor and a note taker and a study group leader. I’ve also sat for hours in the LLCC math center getting help. I’ve gone to countless office-hour appointments and done extra work to keep my grades up. I never would have made it this far without academic scholarships and financial aid.
I think I might be getting a little jaded.
I haul myself to the computer every day and try to wrangle appointments with school authorities to learn about my options, to little avail. I’ve been trying to work with the school for at least two months. I’ve made dozens of phone calls. I’m keeping in touch with my professors. I’m reading and participating in the class blogs. I’m trying to keep up with the work, but compared to my previous output, this stuff is shoddy. My parents are sacrificing their time and energy to (my jaw is locking up and my facial muscles feel like they’re immobile, ARGH, I hate that) drive me to class when I think I can stand it.
Don’t get me wrong. I have one professor and one academic counselor who are really trying to help me. But they can only do so much.
From MY end, I’m doing everything that I’m aware a good student should do that I’m still capable of doing. (The numbness is creeping down my throat, now.)
I have about three weeks of school left. I don’t think I’m going to make it. I feel like I’m on an academic treadmill of too little, too late.
And yeah, honestly? I’m wondering why I should keep trying. Oh, just the knowledge that I should. That inner drive that won’t shut up. Just the little things that have propelled me this far. But my bed looks really appealing, and I would like to work on some projects for other people who would actually appreciate them.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
A 4-day
Mixed results over the last couple days.
Slept for 12 hours Thursday, yay. Slept about an hour and a half last night, not-so-yay. (But I had time to pray and plenty of people to pray for, so it worked out okay.)
Today I got up at 6:50 (nice to know that it can still happen). A friend drove me to a meeting of energetic financial planners, where I decided that ISN’T what I want to do with my remaining three brain cells.
And then this afternoon, I actually drove a vehicle for the first time in over four weeks (nice to know that it can still happen). I’m in excruciating amounts of pain from my shoulders up… but walking tolerably well, breathing like a human, and typing admirably. *shrug* My symptoms are like the weather in Illinois.
But I’m having really weird feelings (or lack thereof) in my face. Lips and tongue in particular. What’s the little dent in the corner of your mouth called? I don’t remember. But mine on the right side keeps feeling like I’ve got a hair in it or something. And that side of my tongue is acting up. Not counting my chickens or anything, but not really looking forward to possible Bell ’s Palsy. All my emoticons are going to have to look like this: ;-/
II Chronicles 16:8“Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples”
James 1:2-4“Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “
Slept for 12 hours Thursday, yay. Slept about an hour and a half last night, not-so-yay. (But I had time to pray and plenty of people to pray for, so it worked out okay.)
Today I got up at 6:50 (nice to know that it can still happen). A friend drove me to a meeting of energetic financial planners, where I decided that ISN’T what I want to do with my remaining three brain cells.
And then this afternoon, I actually drove a vehicle for the first time in over four weeks (nice to know that it can still happen). I’m in excruciating amounts of pain from my shoulders up… but walking tolerably well, breathing like a human, and typing admirably. *shrug* My symptoms are like the weather in Illinois.
But I’m having really weird feelings (or lack thereof) in my face. Lips and tongue in particular. What’s the little dent in the corner of your mouth called? I don’t remember. But mine on the right side keeps feeling like I’ve got a hair in it or something. And that side of my tongue is acting up. Not counting my chickens or anything, but not really looking forward to possible Bell ’s Palsy. All my emoticons are going to have to look like this: ;-/
II Chronicles 16:8“Oh give thanks to the Lord, call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples”
James 1:2-4“Consider it pure joy my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. “
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Now offering a new and exciting symptom!
Well, my throat feels like it is paralyzed or something. Maybe that’s too strong a word. It feels like the next step up would be paralyzed. It feels like the worst “lump in the throat” from crying I could ever imagine. But I haven’t been crying.
It’s a totally freaky feeling. I can tell the muscles aren’t moving much to help me swallow… praise God for gravity, huh? When I tip my head down it feels like my muscles might just seize up and shut everything off. But as far as I can tell, my trachea is still open and working as much as it has recently.
Talk about scary. Anyway, I’m still typing, so I’m still fine.
My mouth has been experiencing some strange feelings in the last two days as well. Every so often it feels JUST like a dentist is stabbing one of those huge needles into the roof of my mouth, and then a Novocain-like tingle sets in.
The throat thing is kind of freaking me out. I can feel myself wanting to cry from being sacred, which is totally stupid, isn’t it? Not only would crying NOT help the situation, God’s on top of this and it will only go as far as He wants.
I think I may go sit down and draw or something calm for a few minutes, though.
It’s a totally freaky feeling. I can tell the muscles aren’t moving much to help me swallow… praise God for gravity, huh? When I tip my head down it feels like my muscles might just seize up and shut everything off. But as far as I can tell, my trachea is still open and working as much as it has recently.
Talk about scary. Anyway, I’m still typing, so I’m still fine.
My mouth has been experiencing some strange feelings in the last two days as well. Every so often it feels JUST like a dentist is stabbing one of those huge needles into the roof of my mouth, and then a Novocain-like tingle sets in.
The throat thing is kind of freaking me out. I can feel myself wanting to cry from being sacred, which is totally stupid, isn’t it? Not only would crying NOT help the situation, God’s on top of this and it will only go as far as He wants.
I think I may go sit down and draw or something calm for a few minutes, though.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
